So, it’s been a weird week. I’ve been feeling a lot of sadness since I started letting it flow, and in my sadness I found lessons. I can’t change the past, but I sure can write about what I’ve learned. If I could give advice to the Ari of three years ago, here are Obviously if I could actually send a message back in time I'd also tell myself things like what to invest in, but that's boring to write about. I’d say.
Dear Ari2022,
Things are going great for you right now. I’m really happy for you, and I know you are too! That’s good; gratitude is important, and the good things in life should be enjoyed and celebrated.
But. The worst times in our life have followed the times when we thought we had it all figured out. I’m still young and foolish, but I’m a little less young and foolish than you, and I want to warn you of two traps the good things will tempt you towards, and give you some miscellaneous bits of wisdom I’ve picked up over these three years.
The Trap Of Complacency
The first trap is complacency. Things are going so well, you’ll feel you can stop here and just enjoy them. Rest is valuable in service to other pursuits, but if you make rest a goal and always avoid effort, you’ll corrode over time. Always keep growing. Make sure you have people in your community who inspire you, not just pleasant company. Being smug about how great you are feels nice, but you need role models to learn from. On that note, go visit Berkeley. I know you’ve been resisting the call of the Bay because you know it’ll draw you in eventually and you’re stubbornly putting it off. Well, I do live here now, and I wish we’d Do enjoy some mangos before you go though. We've been totally spoiled, they're just so much better in the markets of CDMX than in the grocery stores here. It’s where our people are, and community both takes time to build and compounds on itself.
Also man, lay off the weed. You can’t see from the inside how it’s hurting you, because weed makes you feel like everything is ok. You don’t have to go totally cold turkey, but I recommend getting it out of your home. It should be an occasional treat that enhances your experience when you go out and socialize, not an always-available comfort that entices you to stay in. You don’t think of yourself as ambitious because you don’t want to change things at world scale, but you do want things from life, and you forget that a little bit every time you get high.
You didn’t hear it from me, but you’re gonna get laid off from work pretty soon. You’re gonna feel unmotivated to start applying to jobs, and want to take some time off. Consider trying a radical pivot to something other than software engineering! Just because it’s what you’ve always done, doesn’t mean it’s still right for you. Start considering soon though. Transitions take time, and that comfy pile of savings you’ve got is gonna start dwindling. Much better to have it available as runway and capital for trying a new thing, than to spend it down and then find myself scrambling.
The Trap Of Attachment
The second trap is attachment. The good things are so good, you’ll be scared of losing them. You’ll want to hold on tight, to stop things from changing. It won’t work. Everything is temporary regardless, and your clinging will damage the things you hold precious. Instead, trust that life will keep bringing you good things, and keep moving forward to meet them. Also, beware of grand visions. You know what I’m talking about, lover boy. Take things one step at a time. You have a lot of life ahead of you still; you don’t need to rush. Again, trust in yourself and in the universe. You don’t need to try so hard, the good things aren’t so fragile. Right, I can't remember, do you still think of yourself as a consequentialist? Value ethics is pretty great actually. The world is too complex for you to control, but you can always aim to be good. Just keep being yourself and let the world rise to meet you.
You have a forceful personality and a talent for argumentation, so you can be very convincing. Use this power wisely! If someone you care about tells you what’s important to them, listen carefully. Your life is going well and you feel very confident, but you don’t always know what’s best for others. In particular, I know you want to have your friend close to you, and you don’t see why that should wait (and deep down, you’re worried about her slipping away from you if you let go). She tells you she needs independence; trust her and let that play out. If something is meant to be, it’ll happen without you forcing it.
Bits Of Wisdom
I think you’ve started figuring this out already, but pay attention to your body. You aren’t just an abstract intelligence that happens to have a meat robot. You’re an animal with a very sophisticated control system. Notice your breath and the tension of your muscles and the beating of your heart. Also, I regret to inform you that strength training really is as beneficial as people say; get on that.
All of your feelings are ok. You’re allowed to be sad; people will still love you if you aren’t always happy. You’re allowed to be horny; women often appreciate expressions of desire, and a bit of discomfort isn’t such a terrible thing.
Mom and Dad have your best interests at heart and a lot of hard-earned wisdom to share. I'm still working on this. and seek their counsel on life’s big decisions.
Life is complicated, there are a lot of things to balance, and sometimes you’ll mess up, but you’ll be ok. Just keep paying attention and learning, and let this guide you: love people and do what makes you happy.
Love, Ari2025